I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
