the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
