it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
