I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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