wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
