I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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