shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm really busy with my period
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