So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
