I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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