Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
