I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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