I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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