he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
