You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
