The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize