i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
being pregnant is like rehab
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sext me about skeletons
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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