I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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