i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
