I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize