Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
