I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
