you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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