TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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