I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found your dick twin last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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