They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
