Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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