When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
