you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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