While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
