I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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