I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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