do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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