Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
