He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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