god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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