Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
