I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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