This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
