The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
