Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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