My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
