I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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