Me. At least after what I've been through.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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