Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
