So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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