Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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