Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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