I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
