i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bring me that man meat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
