WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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