Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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