You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize