I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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