One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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