We're like a lot better than the average bears
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
