So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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