i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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