I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
