what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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