I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
