Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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