You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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