Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
