Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
