my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How naked do you want me to be?
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