its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
