we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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