I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
