I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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