Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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