he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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