went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is Oprah even human
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
