i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
