I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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