So many bounce houses so little time
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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