When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He better not be in your backpack
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
