Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
